ON FRIENDSHIPS

I have always allowed my kids to choose their friends. The only basis being respect and safety.


 I may not have agreed with some of their friend choices, as an adult can often see what a child cannot, but I have encouraged them to embrace differences and make their own choices, and I trust them to know what they are doing. 


I have seen children manipulate them through the years. But my children have not seen it,  are happy and want to play together. Time went by, they matured and said "I don't really think we are the friends I thought us to be" and chose to get together less and less and finally drifted apart. 


I have seen children constantly competing, no matter what the playing field, be it music,art, sports, online games, or friends on Facebook! My child finally realized this and said "That is not who I am, my life is not a competition and I don't want it to be, and I don't like the person I am becoming in her presense " and she backed away altogether. 


I have seen children and adults treat others with disrespect at a co-op and wondered why are were still attending. But both my kids enjoyed most of it and still wanted to go. But within a few weeks they told me they have had enough of disrespectful people and did not want to waste their time going anymore. I breathed a sigh of relief . I felt I would have had to step in soon if they did not come to the conclusion on their own. It was not a healthy environment.


These are some of the instances through the years. I could always see what was happening, being older and probably wiser, but it did no good for me to make the decision for them. It has to come from them, from within. They needed the time to spend with their friends, to realize what their friendship is all about, and make their own decision whether the friendship was right for them or not. That is how they grow as people and decision makers, to learn to make the right choice for themselves when they are on their own in the world. 


I am happy that they tend to distance themselves from a friendship they no longer want instead of dragging the other person down. That is respectful.


The older my kids get, the more choosy they are- who they want to spend their time with and what they want to spend their time doing. It all comes from being allowed to choose, making choice a priority in their lives.