CHOICE,PROBLEM-SOLVING and CREATIVITY

   Choice, Problem-solving and Creativity top the list in our house.


 Choice. . .to allow them to make decisions that they feel are best for them. Good or bad, their decisions are learning experiences and they need to know it is OK to take risks.
Problem-solving. . .to question everything and constantly evaluate our days to see what changes can be made to make life happier. We see what small steps we can take to make a difference. Happiness is an underestimated word in our society and should be a priority.
Creativity. . .from Music to Art to Logic and anything in between, creativity enriches lives, increases confidence, and brings solace to crazy schedules. I love to see what they are into next and encourage more and more.


Someone was up until 2am, playing, singing and composing even though he had a bus to meet at 6:20am. (More on the school experience in another post.)

Another someone had been asking for a new set of crayons. I knew we had many crayons as well as oil and chalk pastels, but we got two large packs of crayons anyway.

peeled

                                                       lined on canvas

                                    and melted with a hairdryer

                                           Isn't it Scrumptious ???

ON THE TRAIN

My teen has been gone for eight days and it feels like months. She arrives home tonight by train and it can't come fast enough for me. I miss her. I truly do. 

This is the same child who wouldn't leave my side just two years ago. Now she is venturing off with confidence and joy.


If we let children be who they are, and allow them to grow in their own way and in their own time, they become filled with self-assurance and are not afraid to take risks. 


She went by train to Washington D.C. and Virginia with her friend, the older brother and the dad. She had a fantastic time. We texted, we talked and I always got that beep on my phone late at night just before I went to sleep saying good night, love you :)


This house isn't the same. And my other teen has been gone a day here, two days there and this house is way too quiet and my life seems to be in limbo.

Believe me, I love having my own time, and I like quiet now and then, but I find I can have that anyway WITH them HERE.


I LOVE my teens.


My thoughts go to those parents who constantly complain about their teens and who don't *know* them and who treat them with negative energy. Those parents who have no relationship at all with their teens and tell them "at 18 you're outta here!" 


It makes me sad. It makes me sad to know what they are missing. . . how life with teens *can* be if only they would give it a chance.


Nothing is more important to me than the relationship with my children.  Once you focus on the relationship, all of life falls into place . . . with peace and joy and love.



How to have a real relationship with a teen:



~Respect them for the unique individual that they are. Respect their person, their thoughts, their space, their actions, etc. Do not say something to them you would not say to another adult or friend. They deserve the same


~ Find one on one time, even if it's a short drive to the store, out for an ice cream, or pulling up a chair in their room. They still need us and want us and it is valuable to keep communication open for all.


~ Ask questions about their interests, even if you think you are not that interested. There is good in everything. Your child is interested,and you care about your child, right? Becoming interested in how they fill their times makes them feel more valued ,more worthwhile. You are showing you do care. And you will learn something yourself

~ Trust that they do know what they are doing. Bite your tongue. and let them fail. You are letting them know it is OK to take risks. We learn from every mistake. Tell them you are always here for them, no matter what., and will always offer guidance should they need it.


~ Tell them you love them often. . via words, a text, a smile, a hug, etc. Sure they know you love them. . .but do they really???  They need to hear it and hear it often.


~ Say yes or be positive as much as possible. Yes you can have that, yes you can do that., yes I will give you a ride, yes they can come over, Well we can't afford that right now but let's see what we can do about it?  It models positive living and problem solving that can last a lifetime.


~ Saying things like" I miss you, will you be finished with that game soon? I'd like us to spend some time together, will you be off the computer soon?" instead of an authoritative "Get off right now!" or limit their time doing what they love. How would you like controls on your likes and creativity?


~ Do not compare them to anyone else. They are who they are. Rejoice in them and love them unconditionally.  Search for all their goodness.


~ Realize that they are at a tough time in their lives, an in between a child and adult, on their journey to adulthood. Go against the bad rap society gives to the teenage years and trust them and allow free expression to let them find their place in the world. Help them to be the best they can be with freedom and choice and respect.

WHAT ABOUT MATH

Do you need years of instruction to learn math? 

Can you learn math from just living life?

My unschooled son, who hadn't done math drills since age 6, and who rose to the top of his freshman algebra class within two months of going to school for the very first time, got an award in Mathematics.

More proof that you don't need years of instruction to understand math and you can learn it from just living life.

HARRY POTTER EXTRAVAGANZA

                                               ( Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood)
The teens enjoyed a pot luck lunch
 and went off together .. . .

to see the movie. . . 

dressed in their costumes.

THAT IS SO COOL

I saw two teens walking across the sand. They were about my son's age...14+.  I wanted to know if they were part of our Unschoolers Rock The Campground group, thinking I could introduce them to my son at a later date.


The conversation went something like this:


Me: Are you guys unschoolers?


Them: Huh?, looking confused.


Me: Are you unschoolers? 
       Are you here with the unschoolers group?


Them: What IS unschooling? 
            Never heard of it.


Me: Have you heard of homeschooling?


Them: Yeah


Me: Well, it's a form of homeschooling, you don't go to  school,  you just live life and learn whatever you want.


Them: Speechless, with a look of surprise .
             Wow! That is so cool!
          and they continued to talk about it as they walked away.


Just spreading a bit of knowledge throughout the world :)

GRADES DO NOT MATTER

It is perplexing how a child can get a D as a final grade in a subject that he likes, get an A on the midterm exam, an A+ on the final exam, understand the material completely, and have these words written by his teacher : 

"A pleasure to have in class"  

"He was extremely inquisitive and well-spoken; a rare combination for freshmen nowadays.  I enjoyed having him in class and look forward to working with him in the future."

I know why, but do you?

Homework.

He enjoyed the subject matter and the teacher but chose not to spend time doing homework and other busywork. And I guess this is what happens. And I am very calm, surprisingly enough.

All along we decided, when he chose to go to high school this year, (the first school experience ever!), that he would be responsible for his own learning. That he would make the decision whether to do homework, study, etc without any nagging or reminders from me, unless of course he asked me to. But, of course, he never asked. :]

I have had nine months to talk to myself and reassure myself that grades do not matter (even though deep down I know they don't), but I knew the real test would come when I opened that report card. And I was calm as could be, even when I looked at the D. 

I know he understands the material. I know grades are not a measure of what he knows...or of what he has learned. 

In fact, He was often annoyed that the kids in his classes had no understanding of the subject matter. They could pass the tests but had no understanding for discussions- one of his pet peeves of kids at school. But we know from our own school days that kids learn the game early on, just memorize for the tests .

Does it bother him that he got a D? No. 

Did he even care about his report card? No.

He knows it is not a true measure of his learning and of himself.

This is a part of going to high school and still remaining an unschooler. 

He will share his experience at the Northeast Unschooling Conference this summer with me as I talk about a mom's journey of supporting my son's choice to go to school while he remains an unschooler. 

ON FRIENDSHIPS

I have always allowed my kids to choose their friends. The only basis being respect and safety.


 I may not have agreed with some of their friend choices, as an adult can often see what a child cannot, but I have encouraged them to embrace differences and make their own choices, and I trust them to know what they are doing. 


I have seen children manipulate them through the years. But my children have not seen it,  are happy and want to play together. Time went by, they matured and said "I don't really think we are the friends I thought us to be" and chose to get together less and less and finally drifted apart. 


I have seen children constantly competing, no matter what the playing field, be it music,art, sports, online games, or friends on Facebook! My child finally realized this and said "That is not who I am, my life is not a competition and I don't want it to be, and I don't like the person I am becoming in her presense " and she backed away altogether. 


I have seen children and adults treat others with disrespect at a co-op and wondered why are were still attending. But both my kids enjoyed most of it and still wanted to go. But within a few weeks they told me they have had enough of disrespectful people and did not want to waste their time going anymore. I breathed a sigh of relief . I felt I would have had to step in soon if they did not come to the conclusion on their own. It was not a healthy environment.


These are some of the instances through the years. I could always see what was happening, being older and probably wiser, but it did no good for me to make the decision for them. It has to come from them, from within. They needed the time to spend with their friends, to realize what their friendship is all about, and make their own decision whether the friendship was right for them or not. That is how they grow as people and decision makers, to learn to make the right choice for themselves when they are on their own in the world. 


I am happy that they tend to distance themselves from a friendship they no longer want instead of dragging the other person down. That is respectful.


The older my kids get, the more choosy they are- who they want to spend their time with and what they want to spend their time doing. It all comes from being allowed to choose, making choice a priority in their lives.